Hey Ryan, I think that you did a good job with your first story about Bhima the Great. I like the way that you were able to tell the story from the perspective that is a little bit different from the original story. I think that the story is well constructed, but that it would be even better if you could add some conversation throughout the story. It is difficult to see thing from some character perspective without conversation. I saw somewhere along the story that you said "swayamvara". I am not sure what that mean and some definition to that would be good as well. Also I wonder what Ghatotkacha felt like when Arjuna won the competition and took Draupadi from the king. Was he angry? I am sure he must have some pride and for him to lose to a peasant. It must be difficult to face that?
Hi Ryan!I really like the title of your project, that's so fun! I think you could add a bit more information on your homepage. You could add a little table of contents or something if you wanted to. So far, your project is coming together well! I like how you kept the same theme with your project, but are just slightly changing the stories to make them your own. I especially like with your first story how just changed it a little bit to make it easier to follow and simpler to understand. I know I definitely had a hard time reading some of the original versions, so it is nice to see it broken down. You could definitely work on adding dialogue to add another layer!
Hi Ryan! I really liked the layout of your website. I found it to be cute and very easy to navigate! One thing I really liked how informative your author's notes were. It's important to sometimes keep those lengthier because we are all reading different versions of the Indian epics and a good detailed author's note may help someone who read a different version. It could also be a great refresher to someone who did read the same version. Overall, though your story was very interesting and kept me wanting to read more which is always a plus! Also, I am a big sucker for romance and I personally loved reading about Rama and Sita and the Ramayana as a whole, so your storybook was definitely something I was interested in! Keep up the good work and I am excited to see what more you come up with in the future!
Hey there Ryan! I think you have such a fun title for your project! At first I was a little confused but then it clicked in my head and think that it is so creative!I found your version of the story really easy to follow and with a clear author's note. I think a big thing would be if you wanted to add more words and overall meat to your story I would suggest adding in some dialogue. However if you are just wanting to keep it pretty simple I would stick with the version you have now. Overall Ryan I would say very well done on your project and layout. You did well adding images and clearly demonstrating who the next story was going to be about. It was very easy to navigate which I always find helpful and appealing! I look forward to reading more from you. Hope you have a great rest of your semester!
Hi Ryan, I enjoyed your second story about Ghatotkacha that you titled, Ghatotkacha's legacy. I think your story would be AWESOME if you rewrote it with your own characters like you mentioned doing in your author's note. That aspect of this class was my absolute favorite. I have written stories with the same characters contained inside the epics, but the majority I've derived from combining the stories we were supposed to read along with one of my favorite TV shows or movies. One thing I kept waiting for there to be in your story was the battle Ghatotkacha encounters in the Mahabharata. It's not my favorite part of the epic because I didn't want him to die, but it did happen. You might consider adding that aspect of the Mahabharata too, but just a suggestion. Also pertaining to the physical form of your project, maybe add some more graphics and enlarge your title page picture a bit!
HI Ryan,First of all really like your project title! It made me feel like your stories would be fun! When I went to your website, I wish there was a bit more on the home page whether that be more information about your portfolio or more images or anything like that! After reading your stories I noticed that they are very short and sweet. I would encourage adding a bit of dialogue or some more descriptive language in order to engage and expand the stories a bit maybe? I was a little bit confused about your most recent story. I wonder if that was a mistake that you had published your notes page rather than your actual story? Anyway, I assume you mean to write more since the final page is only 200 words! But I was just curious if that was your finished project or not! Very interested to see what story comes from the note page!
Hey, Ryan!First of all, I love the title of your project, "Ryanyana." I think that it is very clever and hilarious. The images you used for your stories were relevant and worked well with the writing, in my opinion. I think that you did a very good job on this project. Your stories were also good and it looks like you included everything you need in each story. It seems like you haven't finished the last story on your project, s i would definitely try to do that soon. It looks like it will fit well with your theme. I think your style of writing is very strong and effective. Your stories do seem to relate to mine in the sense that they lack a copious amount of dialogue. I know how difficult it can be figuring out how to write it in, that's why I try to avoid it.
Hi Ryan! Your website was very easy to look at. It was simple and sometimes that is the best way to communicate a story. I would recommend putting something on the home page. You could put a table of contents or a description of the stories you chose. The home page would also be a good place to go into depth about which stories you rewrote. Also, your author's notes and revisions were very helpful. I had not thought of adding revision author's notes that explain what revisions were made and why. One thing I would say that might help your story would be to add a little more additional details to the stories. Reading through it seemed very similar to the original story, and it could be fun to add a little of your own twist to it to help either accentuate the moral of the story or to commentate on it.
( Mahabharata ) Notes - He sees Vyasa, an ascetic ...